What is it Randy Pausch said about brick walls? "Brick walls are not there to stop us, but to prove to ourselves how much we want something" (paraphrase) And I have repeated that phrase to others when they dispare. I also love the verse in Philipians "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". And I have repeated that verse to others to encourage them.
So, why didn't I say it to myself??? Why did I let the words and thoughts of ONE person take away my confidence? Well, BECAUSE I AM HUMAN---just like everyone else on Planet Earth. And when someone dashes our dreams with words, we fall internally. Our hearts sink, the apprehension sets in and we consider ourselves less that able.
So today I am saying HELLO BRICK WALL~~~ WATCH ME SCALE YOU!!!!!
I CAN do this, I CAN succeed. It may take me a bit longer than those who have done this for 15 years, but the ability and desire is strong. And I will progress as best I can. And I will make a success of this. And I will pole vault over that brick wall!!!
I may have to go at a slower success rate at first. I may not be able to tackle their schedule right off the start, but I WON'T back down--I won't give up. And I won't listen to the voices that try to put blocks in my road. I will listen to my inner voice, my resolve, my determination, and I will be a winner!!!!
Road blocks are temporary. My ambition is permanent.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
In a sea of happy, smiling faces, I am the one anxiety-ridden! Everything has been happening soooo quickly--I haven't really taken all this week in.
Today, one of the current (until 9/1) owners called me and wanted to meet and go over some "concerns" she has. So I went. And I came away with a knot the size of the Grand Canyon in my stomach. I was actually ready to pass out!
She hit me with all these questions--"whose going to be in charge of which dish"--"whose going to help you deliver"---whose going to be in charge of bread, and who of salad"---"you know, you are going to be sooo busy you won't have time to breathe" AAHHHGGGG!!!
I didn't need to hear that ALL AT ONCE!!! After all, the two owners are staying for 4 weeks to show me the ropes! And, after all, even tho I am a quick study, I DO have to learn this--not just the way I'm used to doing things, but the "norm" for them.
I finally said, "you know, the first couple of weeks we'll need to take orders slowly, so I can get the rhythm down" and she agreed. But she really made me start doubting the choice I have made. And it's really got me by the throat!
So, keep your fingers crossed for me. I need to make this a go. I don't want to go back out into the world of papers and adding machines!!!
Then she said "do you think your mother can keep up and handle this" Now that just made me antsier! I think she can. She's pretty darned efficient. But why was this gal (who is 75) questioning my decisions??? I know that after a month or two I'll have to find someone else so Mom can have a couple of days off a week. But that just really got me.
Ok, my heart is racing again, and that knot is coming back. So I'm going to close for now and calm down. Just keep those fingers crossed!!!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Hey, I saw myself in the mirror today!!! That's me up above!!! The busy, frazzled bee, flitting from errand to errand. Just today I have : met with the Health Dept, talked to the gas company, faxed documents to the phone company, emailed to the sign company, talked to two potential new clients, and still worked my "old" job. I will be there until the 29th. And so next week, I guess they will have me "training" someone new. And writing checks, and making deposits, and writing receipts, and answering all their calls, and on and on. So much to do!!! The clock is running down.
I met with one of the current owners in the shop today, and after visiting with her I had an attack of "can I really do this??? have I bitten off more than I can chew???"" That fear stayed with me all afternoon. I guess that's just one part of the process. Sometimes I feel as confident as can be---just certain that I can handle this and make it even more successful. And then the sun goes behind a cloud and I am filled with doubt. Will I be able to follow the schedule---will I be able to pay the bills---will I, will I, will I????????
I'm terribly excited--and at the same time, terribly anxious. For the past 16 years I have worked for someone else---someone else has worried about the expenses, someone else has made the major decisions. And all the while I dreamed of doing "my own thing". Now it's here---my dream has come true, and I am having heart palpitations!!!
Needless to say, my housekeeping has gone to heck in a handbag! So, I decided to take off this Friday and just PUT THINGS AWAY!!! I think I could spend the entire day just doing that. And I have got to dust and run the sweeper. I think the dog and cat have resorted to leaving messages in the dust. I don't really think the house is writing "Clean Me"!!! And believe it or not, Big Daddy still wants dinner each night! This seems like the opportune time for him to begin a diet--or a fast! He doesn't so much agree. So throw that into the mix----
Remember the old ad for Toyota? "You asked for it, you got it"? I'd better be careful or he'll start singing that refrain at the top of his lungs!!! I'm just thinking we should start living by candlelight and eating frozen dinners. You know, the old cobbler's children thing again!!!
Well, I'd best close for right now. I'm basically sleepwalking right now. It's time to turn in.
Wish me luck!!