Friday, February 27, 2009

Have You Been Confirmed?

I've been confirmed this week---3 times!! If you don't know about Facebook, well, ask someone.

Wouldn't it have been easy if this "confirmation" of new friends had happened back in high school? You could post your name on a wall, list the people you were interested in getting to know and then they could come by & mark "confirmed" or "not interested". It would have made life so much easier!

Instead, in my case (which I admit to being soooo insecure), I tried the "I wanna be popular" options. You know--schmooze up to all the "already popular" ones, go to all the "popular" places, try all the "popular" trends. And, not enjoying much of any of the "popular" requirements! The "already popular" ones had their quota of friends necessary to retain their status. We "hangers around" simply confirmed their "popularity". And what made that popularity anyway??? Was it the fact that their clothes were more fashionable? Well, that certainly shows integrity! Was it that they had a never-ending supply of spending money? Hmm, they showed their financial savy young huh? In my hindsight, I have come to the conclusion that the "already popular" ones (girls in my instance) were a bit "racey" (don't want to point fingers here). That made them popular with a capital P with the boys! And, as I have attended several reunions at which the tongues wagged, I found much to my dismay, that the racier the more popular.

As far as clothing -- I attended school in the "pre fashion design logos" day. If you had a different outfit for 5 days running (without having to mix & match) you were stylin! And other fashionistas pointed out how "popular" that made you! Some less fortunate, like moi, had mothers who knew how to stretch the dollar---our clothes were homemade----dispair! Little did I realize how talented my mom was--I wish I had her gift for making clothing today! She could whip out an outfit in no time, and let me tell you---it was WELL MADE!!! (read never wore out!!!). But I wanted those store bought clothes and the status that went with it.

About the never ending supply of money---here again, I didn't know the magnitude of the lesson my parents were teaching me as they made me work for extra cash. I realize now that many of the parents who doled out the moolah were trying to make up for dysfunction in parenting! Or for being away from the kids for so long--Or for not wanting to be with their kids! I just thought the "popular" ones were wealthy beyond belief! They didn't work, they had cars, they could buy beer & cigarettes at will, they bought their popularity. While I had my needs taken care of, I learned that hard work will pay. And that the items I purchased with my own earned cash meant more to me that some of the things the others had. I took better care of my things. Hmmm, another lesson learned.

So where am I going with this? South I fear!!! Oh yea--confirmation. I have been confirmed on Facebook---and you know what? The confirmations have come from friends I have lost touch with---for the simple fact that they, too, have been working diligently most of their lives to provide for their families, and they have spent hour upon hour taking good care of their possessions.

Where are the "most populars"? Let's see---I can think of 3 of the HS jocks that EVERYONE wanted to date: one had been in prison for too many DUIs, one is on his 5th marriage--I heard he had a herion problem for many years; and the third is in another state--staying there to escape child support. And to support his heavy drinking.

And the gals? Let's see--the 3 most popular? One was divorced while her children were young--her ex (who has passed away) was physically abusive to her. One moved away right after HS but I found that her life didn't have the happy ending she imagined. Too many problems to go into here. And another ended up a meth addict- in and out of rehab.

Now this is not to say that all of the "populars" failed. Many, many succeeded. I just have learned that I wasn't meant to be a HS popular. It would have ruined me. I wouldn't have taken care to be the best I can be.

No, instead, by having to find my own confidence (confirmation) I have ended up on the better side of my own life! I've learned what true friendship is and how to cultivate that wisely. I've learned how to align my priorities with what is truly important in life. I've learned to gauge spending and use wisdom in what material things I gain. I've learned so much more. I'm glad I wasn't an "instant popular" one.

Good night.