Fashion Disabled!

Have you ever gone to your closet and wondered why in the world someone would put those clothes on your hangers? Or gone to the mall and wondered where in the world they put the real clothes???
I am in a huff and it's fashion--or lack thereof. I love the fall and winter, look forward to getting out the comfy clothes that hide most of the epidermas, could live in sweatshirts and jeans, and yet, I feel the need to dress fashionable at work. So, as I looked in my closet over the week-end in preparation for fall & winter I was aghast at what was there! It looked like the series "What Not To Wear" had taken all the rejects and sent them to my house! Surely this is NOT what I had chosen to wear the past couple of years (ok, more like 5-10 years). Maybe I've been looking at too many magazines lately, or maybe looking for clothes in the mall with my sis jolted my fashion sense, but I am sorely lacking.
So I began to peruse the fashion magazines, and good lord, the fashions aren't for real people. First there is the "pencil" skirt--it only looks good on a pencil--face it gals, that's what the name really means. I thought I had found a pencil skirt in my things, but when I found the exact same skirt in the exact same material and pattern I realized they were LEG WARMERS!!!! Yes, that's how pencil skirts fit. The one thing they don't fit is a body in the real world. I kept looking and looking, but there are no "eraser" skirts. So, forget buying a new skirt. Until the "eraser" skirts come out, I'll pass. And it isn't just because of the look. I don't think I could walk across the living room in one of those!!
I also saw that "leggings" are back in style. Hey! They weren't good in the 80's and they aren't going to be good now! Remember the horror of seeing all those gals running around in leggings and over sized shirts? I say "those gals" and admit I was one. The look doesn't work! We all just look like work out failures in those get ups!
I am a petite sized gal--ever looked in the petite section??? It's full of elastic waisted "sets"--you know--plaid seersucker pants with jersey tops appliqued with plaid seersucker flowers!!!! When they designate a section "petite" it automatically becomes the geriatric section. No hip chick in her "over 45's" would buy anything in that section, let alone be caught carrying it around in the store. Yuck!
I have this vision of the top designers sitting around a table discussing new fashion for the season:
Designer #1: Hey, I have an idea--let's bring back the tightest, most form fitting clothing we can. Just throw a big top or poncho over the bottoms and they'll buy em! We'll just work as fashion directors on the next big movie Nicole Kidman is in--she can wear anything. And the gals will rush to the malls to get the newest Nicole clothes!!!
Designer #2: Yeah, that's an idea. After all, girls have been getting tired of the cropped tops and low rise pants. Too many bellies in public--they are actually starting to look at themselves in mirrors and are choosing things that cover a bit more.
Designer #3: How about ballet slippers, or ballerina shoes? They only look good on someone 7'6" who weighs 25 lbs. But, if we show it on Oprah, everyone will bite!
And about Oprah--checked out her magazine the other day, and in her "must have" section, she has a pair of shoes she "loves" that only cost $750! Sorry honey, I'm forgoing the mortgage payment this month--found a pair of shoes I can't live without!!
Even Oprah's shows on dressing on a budget don't come down far enough to what I have to spend! Am I the ONLY one who thinks $125 for an everyday blouse is a bit much?????
I guess I'll just stay in fashion la la land for this fall!! Please, please, someone, come to the rescue of the everyday lady--the one who works, not for spending money, but for braces, car payments, groceries, and the one who must have clothes that don't show too much, cling too tightly, and work for those under 70!!!